tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
