It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize