I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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