so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
