I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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