Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
