I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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