How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
