Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
