it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
