i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
