Can i not drive my cunt home
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
