kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize