the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We are all done wearing pants today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
