Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
