I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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