Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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