I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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