that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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