twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
