i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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