Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
