Are we in a gay sports bar?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
