I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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