no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
