What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
