Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
MIDGETS
????
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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