i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
