Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
