When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
