Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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