Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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