I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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