The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
