Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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