I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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