You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
