I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
