hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
