WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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