i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
