I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I love you.
Bad choice
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize