No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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