The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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