so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
