if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
