I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I want her autograph on my taint
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
