I hate all girls vehemently.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize