Kiss
Puke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
