I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
