Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
