just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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