That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
