You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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