even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize