I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
