Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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