her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
