Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
