im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize