I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
