Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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