did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
