he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
