you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
