i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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