Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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