I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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