Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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