I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
