I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
