My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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