dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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