It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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