When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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