I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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