No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
