dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
