1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
