explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize