Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize