Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
